Higher Power

I belong to a higher power
I belong to always trying to be kind
I belong to family, friends and love if I let it in my mind
the opening of my heart
I belong to the joy of excited grandkids watching grandma being mysterious~~

Patience

I belong to patience
patience that life will give me the peace of mind I so need
I am starting to feel more relaxed about my life
small tiny holes are starting to be filled, but patience is my lesson now
it is so slow
so patience is for me to get to know~~

Loneliness again? Really?

I belong to loneliness again
I miss Larsy, I miss love
my heart aches, it just won't quit
what do you do?
My heart is open, I know I can love again
sometime, some day, someone
I have to work on me, I know that's the key

But today I belong to loneliness again~~

Creative Again

I think I belong to the me I know again
it's hard to tell, it comes in unpredictable waves
I've been creative again and reading, is that the key
can I be getting out of sadness and really feeling me?

I don't want to get my hopes up to high
I don't want to fall
out of the sky
I'm starting to feel like a person again, me
do I really belong to me?

Memorial Hike for Rick

Today we belong to the memory of Rick
friends and family gathered, we went to Payson canyon to do a memorial hike
planting some Aspen trees and to remember our dear friend with a healing ceremony

Back to the earth Rick from which you came
Back to the place where time is the same
Memories and tears of the day to behold
Laughter and cries and more stories told~~

I belong to my friends, my families hearts
Never again will I feel them apart
I belong to the wind, the rustling leaves,
the rocks, the mountains and all of the trees

Rick we all know the trail you have walked
the elk bugling sounds, the cougar that stalked
the breathes that we breathe
though we know not the count
to make our lives matter each day
as the rain drops
to wash away tears no matter how small

I now belong to Fall~~

10~26~15

I belong to hope, my sweet spirit soars
my soul is alive, I am ready to give
I breathe in the air,
and I'm ready to live~~

Halloween

                     
Today I belong to the Halloween spirit
Coke~Marvin~Rex~Louis~Baby Leighton~Friends    
Gave me such joy to be at Tammy's Halloween party, such spirit there
we decided Rick was there as a ghost/spirit and having fun playing jokes
I helped paint faces and had fun with the whole Halloween spirit
Leah gave me a hippie purse and didn't know I was going to be one
 (but most people might guess that anyway) Just saying~~

 Rick our friend we miss you so
the pain and anguish seem so slow
we really can't believe your gone
it's just not fair when you rise to the dawn
the funniest man we all could see
to make us all laugh and make us feel free
to burst with a laugh that is always there
to break into joy, we will always care~~~~~~

Shifting of time

I  belong to settling my spirit now

to give into time and let it be my friend

sometimes it's to slow, but I now don't care I know

the ache that it cuts, but getting out of the ruts

picking apples with Patti

watching football with my friends~

Laughing again at the normal things helps my soul to heal

my lessen must be patience

time has shifted in a new way

I look for joy whenever I can and soak it in

picking flowers, creating surprises

tracking Jake on his new journey to Seattle, his journey of time

Yes we all belong to time

but all in different zones~~

         

Being able to get on our bus
and feel the love~~~

The Club

I belong to the club
I don't want to be in the club
I hate this club!
It's the widows club
and no one would ever want to be in this awful club!
BUT I'M IN THE CLUB!

New Beginnings

I belong to new beginnings
hope is on the horizon
hope for my heart to be sparkled with more freshness
tingled with new desires
and sprinkled with more love
and finding the new in life~~

Around the bend

Today I belong to my friends

the laughter, the love

and the time we spend

refreshes my soul

opens my heart

Maybe I'm going around the bend~~~

Settling in~~

I still don't know where I belong

When I'm here I want to be there, when I'm there I want to be home

trying to settle in my own skin is terribly hard alone

I want to be loved

I want to love

Where do I belong?

to the heavens above?
and to having more fun~~~

Grief Again

Today I belong to grief again

I hate it! it eats at my soul

It hurts my spirit what do I do?

fall into it and try to get through?

Do I sink or swim

it comes out of the sky

I keep thinking it should get better and I don't know why

am I just impatient or don't know the drill? will it be forever

I surely hope not

but with Larsy not here, I can't seem to breathe right~~

                

 

Hope

I belong to hope

                                            hope that eventually my broken heart will mend
                                       I know it will it just takes time, thats what they all say
                                                             but they don't know mine
                                                    I often wonder if it will always hurt?
                                              it totally seems possible when you're in that space
                                                    I still believe in hope and will open the door
                                                       I will be brave and try to feel more~~~

Freedom

I belong to freedom

freedom of doing whatever I want,
whenever I feel I can make it real

freedom comes at a price and is not really free
but I am always free to be me
I belong to the days, sometimes their to long
embrace the freedom and stay bold and strong~

Gratitude

I belong to gratitude

I am so grateful to be alive and have the life I live

this is my home in Idaho and I belong to myself 

now and my loving friends and family

the soul of nature is more a part of me than ever now~~

Purpose

I belong to the journey of my life
maybe I never really understood that until now

I belong to my journey with more purpose now
of my heart and soul
I belong to the knowing of a true broken heart and the path to heal it
I belong to that part, I own that part, I embrace that part
and to open my heart~~~

Tears

Today I belong to tears

I can't stop the flow

it's part of the process I know

but I can't stop the flow

To Laugh Again

I belong to the journey
this journey of my new life
my new way of being day to day
I can't think to far ahead
it doesn't work that way
My journey is belonging to my heart
and hoping it will stay
My journey is to heal~to laugh~to love again
my journey to heal my soul~~~

Water Journey

The water and peace takes hold again

I want to fully feel like I belong to myself

I'm working on it and soothing waters are helping~

Today I'm starting to belong to myself

baby steps to this path of healing

I have no time frame to this process, 

floating the healing waters again~~

6~15~15

Today I belong to the lonely day

kayaking by myself, reflecting and opening my heart to the healing waters

I want to belong to love, but it's hard unleasing the grief

it's slow like the river, slowly moving the leaves and bugs along on their path

Where do I belong?

Water

Today I belong to the grief, still day by day
I decided to belong to the river
I went kayaking by myself
I belonged to the calmness, the stillness of nature
I watched an eagle for a half hour in a tree, time stopped
the beauty of the wild engulfs sadness and leaves no room to be blue
the journey of grief seems to take hold
I want it to end
so maybe the river will help wash it away
so I'll try for each day~~

The water and peace takes hold when you're on the river
I want to feel like I belong to myself again
so, the water is my savior now like it's never been~~~~

Memories

I belong to Utah again and the celebration of Rick's life
Can't wrap my head around it, my heart bleeds for Tammy
the sadness is deeper now~
I belong to the love and support of family and friends all around
I belong to the memories of Rick and how many lives he touched
The love is all around that is so clear, we all know his spirit is here
We have to keep our hearts open there's love all around
Life certainly changes in a blink
it's hard to except
how do we really belong when it's ripped away?
I guess we live with our love, our self day by day~

Myself

I belong to myself

 

I have always belonged to myself
but just noticed again, that it's true
you must be kind and recognize every second of how you feel
and what to do for you and make it real~
I have belonged to others for so long, this is a new adventure
Mostly painful, with times of joy and peace and freedom
They last longer as time goes by
that is my ultimate goal, joy and peace and to just be me~

Sadness

I belong to grief and sadness again
My best friend Rick is dying right now of an aneurysm
I just talked to his wife and I fell to my knees again
I know she is going to sink into the grief soon
Just talked to him yesterday, they were planning a trip to Idaho
His happy, laughing spirit remains
the sadness has swept it's way in again

I belong to the happy memories I've had the last 2 months with Rick and Tammy
Living down the road from them catching up on the last 30 something years
His happy, joyful, funny spirit will be so missed by all!
I belong to the memory of that friendship forever

I belong to the fact that my friends and I are starting to take our turn on the path of life & death
We never know when, we never know how, just enjoy the now
One day at a time is about all I can do now,
my life I hope might be that way for the rest of my days
you can't look to far ahead, or to far behind
the time is now,
it is painfully so~~~~~
Goodbye Rick~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~it's hard to let go~~

Dreams

I belong to my dreams of what that could be
A new life of joy, but what,

but how?
Keep moving along
Keep steady and strong
Some days shake me to my knees
with my dreams in the breeze
Where do I belong?~

Lonely Heart

I belong to my lonely heart pain
I know if I keep positive and hoping for faith to wash away the pain
faith that I will stop wondering where do I belong?
I've belonged to so many things in my life, I never stopped to absorb that thought
for the last 18 years my life and heart belonged to my love of my life, Lars

How do you keep that love and continue on, knowing it's gone
How to now figure out how I belong to my own life again?
What does that mean?
What does that look like?
I guess I need to continue on and find out~~

Love of friends

I belong to the hope that I will have love again
I believe I have it in me, but I'm not sure how that will look
I believe in hope~

I belong to my friends
they are my soul
they are my love
I belong to my wonderful friends~

Me

Today I belong to the road
traveling back to Idaho
I belong to myself right now
I belong to joy
I belong to knowing
I'm heading home
I belong to freedom of being me
and feeling free
I belong to me~

Time

I belong to time
I guess we all do
depends on what we do with it~
I've never been so aware of time before
I guess I've been rushing faster than I thought
When you slow down to time you totally belong to it
I just have to choose wisely for my peace of mind
on what I do with it~
Is it my enemy or friend?, please be kind
Sometimes both
but I so belong to time~~~~~~~

Tears and fears

Today I belong to the tears
the sadness of the loss of Lars and my fears
it's hard to grab hold of my life
when I'm depending on others
I know how I feel
I belong to the truth that's it's only me
but sometimes it hits hard and it's just hard to be~

Sky and Clouds

I belong to the sky, the clouds
in the hands of the airplane
Grand Canyon below
Don't be sad, Lars would say
don't be sad, don't be sad
I'm just a thought away
don't be sad on this beautiful day~

I belong to my moments
no matter the feel
no matter what
I belong to heal~

Spirit of Arizona

I belong to the spirit of Arizona
the sadness my aunt and I share
our soul mates died within weeks of each other~
The waves of joy and grief and wanting to belong to love
ache to the depths~

I belong to my aunt
for in her I have seen my mom and grandma come through
I belong to the women in my life
I belong to us and the memories we share~

Arizona

                                                                                                            

I belong to the Arizona desert and my Aunt Dawna
the feeling of comfort in another soul
who totally knows what the grief process feels like~

I do belong to the healing process and the wanting of joy and happiness
connecting with family and friends on a deeper level is
vital to my spirt and soul~

Seeing new places and being new places
fills tiny holes
in the depths of my soul~

Easter

I belong to this Sunday
it's Easter today
I'm homesick for Idaho

I feel every which way~

My heart is in two
but I guess that's ok
to love 2 places
I want peace each day~

I belong to the spirits
they are all around
my soul aches for wholeness
I belong to the sound
I belong to myself
I must treat me so kind
listen and feel it
it shall engulf my mind~

The Flag

I belong to the giant waving american flag in Orem,
as it gently waves to the mountains
I am part of Mt Timpanogas with
the wispy, feathery clouds flying above the tops~

I belong to the night
the stars overhead,
the full moon so bright,
I belong in bed~

Friends

I belong to the hope that I will love again
I believe I have it in me
to feel joy again
I believe in hope~

I belong to my friends
they are my soul
they are my love
I belong to my wonderful friends
I thank the spirits from above~

Myself

I belong to myself
I belong to the wind
I belong to my friends and back again~

I belong to the day that engulfs me with sun
I belong to the universe
on a path to reinvent myself and have fun~